How the Movie Should Have Ended: Employee of the Month

Employee of the Month stars Dane Cook as Zack Bradley, a reliably unreliable box-boy at the movie’s version of Cost-Co, who cruises by in life with only his charm (think every Dane Cook movie ever created). Zack picks up his slack in order to impress the new employee/plot item, Amy (Jessica Simpson), though he faces resistance from bleach-blond, megalomanic Vince (Dax Shepard), the 17-time employee of the month. Our delinquent protagonist proceeds to working his ass off, tying with Vince for employee of the month. Naturally, the two engage in a tie-breaker, with Zack emerging as the victor by virtue of Vince’s cheating. Continue reading

How The Movie Should Have Ended: Elysium

Elysium, the 2013 sci-fi flick from the director of District 9, mixes a man’s personal quest for survival with humanity’s crash course into oblivion. Following an explosive population boom on Earth, the world’s wealthiest leave the crapsack planet and establish themselves on Elysium, the titular space station where life is eternal, due to “reatomizers.” ( Hopefully I don’t have to explain what that entails.)  Continue reading